too much too soon....

a while back.. i did mention about goin 0 - 6.. n shit.. i did.. giler btul laa tahun nih.. but to put things into perspective.. i did get wat i want.. well takde laa.. im on my way to get it laa at least.. mungkin Tuhan nak senangkan choice supaya gua sendiri tak penin kepla dan tekan diri sendiri.. the price of honesty.. cheh....i dont know.. tapi mungkin betul laa gua dah pakai semua yg gua ader... kinda scary if thing doesnt work out.. ai yoo....

well.. just like LB.. i tender last friday.. making this the 5th stop of my madness tour in the world of keja... kakakkakakkak... tapi so far i think this is right for me.. lagipun gua dah tunggu utk buat lama benda nih.. mind the hesitation.. sepatutnyer dari mula semua org dah tau ape yg akan jadik.. this is my final stop.. lepas nih dah takde turning back n coming in the industry anymore.. cukup laaa.. nak kata gain enuff experience.. tatau laa jugak.. tapi yg paling penting i've tried... remember.. i can accept failure.. i cant accept not trying....

since last week.. menda jalan sgt pantas.. n to look forward.. waaa.. byk lagik benda nak kena settlekan nih.. time as always tak cukup... well need better time management to sort stuff.. byk jugak laa.. tapi rasenyer kalo saba skit dan buat everything ikut plan mungkin semuanyer ok.. i cant reveal everything now.. but trust me.. dlm seminggu 2 lagik probably semua org akan tau wats up.. aper benda yg gua ckp selama nih.. nih season finale nih kan.. so sabo....

LB?

i was reading this:

Brown wants to get fired. That is why he talked to the Associated Press last week and publicly declared that he loves the Pistons and sincerely wants to keep his job. It's a humongous lie, of course, because Brown wants out as badly as the Pistons want him out. But if he claims that he is healthy enough to coach and that he is perfectly willing to resume with the Pistons, Detroit has no choice but to fire him. That's why both Brown and his agent have been all over the media, bemoaning the fact that Pistons don't want him.

it struck me afterwards.... nampaknyer gua ngan LB berada dalam position yg samer.. here I am badly wanted to leave this organization in order to do sumthing that i luv n huv been waitin ever so patiently to do... but at the same time, becoz of a few uncertainties, still gua tak berani lagik nak walk away.. sebab uncertainties will alwayz huv a probability of 0.5.. camner kite rase lebih pun.. sebenanye it is alwayz 50 - 50.... on top of it all.. im scared.. i dont wanna be here.. it is true.. but i dont wanna be jobless kalo benda benda tak work out....

i am aware that kite tak bole dpt semua menda yg kite nak kat dunia nih.. that all time we are presented with choice.. whether we are aware or at unconcious level.. musti ader choice.. made up choice pun ader jugak wen it is obvious aper yg kite nak buat.. all n all we r dealin wit risk n consequences... remember.. every action has a reaction... aper yg kite buat ade consequences nyer.. n that is why it is so hard to make a decision wen u got less information to help u.. apertah lagik biler u huv less ppl to help u to get that information....

its inevitable they would say... n it is pretty obvious.. actions gua sepanjang beberapa bulan lepas nih hanyer melabelkan satu menda ajer.. i want out.. i can see that.. i believe they can see it too.. just like LB.. if not why would i enganged n flirt wit that reality in the 1st place....? yer betul.. takde org gatal gatal nak try buat sumthing.. remember causality.. semua menda ader reasons... n yes almost all things kena ader justification.... so that is the obvious.. probably they are wondering aper lagik yg gua tunggu?... i am sure they are just waiting.... well little did they knew.. i am waiting for the right moment... wat is my definition of the right moment...? the right moment ader lah moment di maner i am sure that i will get IT without any reasonable doubts... wen it that?... i dunno... it could be sumtime between last week.. or even next month... kakakkaakkka....

the problem?.. neither them nor me knows when... but decision time is now... i wish i coulda talk my way out of this.. n agreed to a buyout just like LB did... damn LB.. gua tatau apsal gua feel so close to this guy.. not that i like him.. man i dont.. but he's a job hopper.. goin from city to city.. bawak dieorg to the promise land pastuh carik tempat baru.... (for those non-baller or kaki-bangku-nba... LB nih coach last year pistons yg menang c'ship.. n yes die jugak coach tahun nih sampai game 7.. before nih die coach AI.. hawks n some others.. look it up man.. gua pun tak igt).. sumhow mengigtkan gua kepada gua.. cumer i do it for the money.... (ermm.. gua rase die pun)

so i dont know...? should i?.. (leave vote in my comments kalo korang sudi nak jadik a part of this decision making).. i will do my best to delay things.. i know the tension will only mounts.. lagik lagik biler besok ader progress meeting tajuk : the future of our team... wat do i answer wen bein asked the question - wat huv u been doin these past months?.. an honest answer would be : lepak-goyang kaki-makan gaji buta-tunggu time.. kakakakkakkka.... but that is the truth... i would huv like to end this drama .. lebih kurang mcm season finale.. penuh suspens n shit.. i want to end this n move on.. bukak chapter baru n shit jugak... u know..

wat happen then:

Larry Brown's departure from the Detroit Pistons' organization should not be considered a surprise, given the nomadic coach's history of brief but successful coaching stints. In two seasons, Brown brilliantly led the Pistons to back-to-back Finals appearances, the first of which resulted in the franchise's third NBA championship.

But when Brown allowed himself to be romanced by the Cleveland Cavaliers – who wanted to hire him as team president – during the Pistons' playoff run, he probably sealed his own fate. The team's management understandably was upset, and owner Bill Davidson was furious for what he perceived as a lack of loyalty from Brown as Detroit was attempting to win another title.

now... if that is a sign... i know wat i huv to do.. then... n yes mr. anderson it is inevitable... now.. when will i find the guts to do it?...

blue....

shit.. hari nih gua rase mmg nak sgt resign... come on god.. give me a lil sign.... ader satu menda yg bole kasik petunjuk.. then gua straight away sial buat... i even got my resignation letter typed already.. tinggal nak tuka tarikh dan print ajer.. kaakkakakaaka.... i'm not kidding.. gua selalu nak jadik org yg satisfy ngan aper yg die buat.. but so far until now.. i still cant find it.. i still cant settle down.. haaa.... entah laa.. mungkin gua harap sgt dapat buat aper yg gua nak buat...

seda tak seda dah nak abis bulan 7 dah... oo.. i need things to happen ... n to happen fast... gua tatau apsal gua gatal sgt.. agaknyer selepas menghabiskan mase tak buat keja 4-5 hari nih gua rase mcm ade org tgk ajer.. im bein watched... mungkin jugak gua rase guilt sebab gua makan gaji buta.. well i luv gettin paid by doin nuthin... sape tanak.. cumer after a while gua rase cam tak best jugak laa.. its like this.. let say korang keja utk satu organization yg korang gile suker... musti biler ade time time takde keja lu buat benda ker yg bole membantu keja ataupun organisasi lu.. ok bukan semua org.. but i would definitely do it..

tapi entah laa.. i like it here.. dah mcm rumah dah tempat nih.. i huv got rappot wit almost everybody.. tapi work wise.. susah nak ckp.. dah lama sebenanyer gua plan.. kalo lu org baca blog gua dari lepas lepas korang pun tau.. yg org kat sini pun tau.. semua tgh tunggu hari dan waktu.. all n all gua rase diorg dah bawak bebanan (i.e. GUA) sepanjang 7-8 bulan dah.... bagi gua keja keja pun yg bodo ajer sebab takut gua larik nanti takde sape diorg nak blame biler masalah.... kakakakakakkaka.... nway.. i should be fair.. i know.. diorg dah fair giler ngan gua... gua kena fair giler jugak in return.. gua tau .. now.. i just need a sign.. just a sign.....

the science of tiger n kenit...

mmg lu org akan wonder amenda.. tapi so far this year everytime tiger menang sumthin.. tuh maknenyer gua jugak akan menang sumthing.. hehehhehe.. one to one bai.. bukan one to many.. n pagi semalam die buat lagik.. well this one lebih kurang dah budget.. somehow gua relate direct jugak seperti kehidupan gua.. ader satu menda nih nampak cam its coming.. 1st , 2nd round mmg nampak sgt cam die nak menang... then 3rd round a bit fuzzy then die close out... well.. 1st round which was last 2 week looks promosing.. 2nd round last week cam ok.. 3rd round takde menda jadik.. n probably by next week gua pun bole close out... hopefully tiger winning is a good sign.... a good sign i hope....

tapi semua nih based on one predication ajer.. awal tahun nih gua rase semua menda tak happening.. just like tiger tgh repair swing die... gua plak tgh repair idup gua.. at 25 gua almost ader semua menda yg gua nak.. tapi gua fear gua akan stuck here.. just like tiger.. die dah ade a very text book swing.. approach to the game.. tapi die tau kalo die stay kat situh.. die akan constant begituh ajer.. so as golf courses get tougher n tougher, as other players get better n better.. mati laa die... cumer dlm environment gua lain skit laa.. gua nak carik kepuasan dlm idup gua yg tak lama maner di dunia nih ajer.. gua tanak content diri gua buat sumthin yg diforce ke atas gua for a decent meal at the end of the day (normally KFC atau McD atau occasionally mmg good meal laa..)

n finally look at tiger this year... he won masters... 2nd dlm US Open n won british... things started to come around... mungkin not just for him.. mungkin for gua jugak... sebenanyer takde relation pun between kitaorg dua except for the fact that we are both on swoosh.. kakkkaa.. die sponsored... gua mengsponsor die... tapi gua rase our love for the swoosh is pretty much the same.... kakakakakaka... jadik bedasarkan faktor itu.. n only itu gua rase gua akan berjaya.. kakakakakkaa...... if u still huvnt figured it out.. JUST DO IT....

aduh aduh duh duh duh...

lately gua ade byk buat keja malam.. bukan cam batman tuh.. jgn salah paham... tapi mmg melibatkan pukul memukul dan libas melibas.. pastuh biler nak bangun besok paginyer punyer laa malas nak mampus... so semalam agak break thru (jgn risau jin.. azan... kesah abis di meja mamak.. tak ungkit pun) salah salah.. pagi nih agak break thru.. sebab tetiber gua rase cam biaser plak bangun dan terus pegi keja walaupun gua tido pkl 3.00 dan selepas sehabis habisnyer mengerahkan tulang empat kerat gua.. hmmm... mungkin body gua sendiri dah adjust....

berbeza plak dalam 2 bulan lepas.. gua igt lepas ikut member gua training ball besama team die.. ish ish ish.. waking up the next day?.. aduii bapak segala menda nyer sakit... not that waking up today tak sakit... sakit bai especially tangan gua.. (mungkin teknik pukulan masih tak tepat)... tapi entah gua rase cam dah terbiaser ajer... ok actually this past week gua rase mmg cam dah terbiaser.. celik ajer pastuh gagahkan ajer seret diri gua pegi keja.. doin meaningless task for the whole 8 hrs... apsal meaningless.. well take today for instance.. keja gua refresh F5 niketalk jordan brand forum sebab semalam ade org ckp die nak post gambo XXI yg cun skit.. kakakkakkkakak....

entah laa... mungkin psikologinyer.. becoz i got no work to do in the office... so draging myself to the office is effortless... itu pasal laa gua takde masalah pun kot.. besides bukan semua org sampai sampai ajer opis terus pike plan nak buat aper lepas office... mungkin ader kot.. kakkkkaakkakakka....
(jin + azan.. tgk skit pun gua takde mention... kakakakkakakkka.....)

floor plan

its decision time gua rase... jarang jarang gua kena force utk buat decision nih.. selalunyer senang dan laju ajer gua nak buat sumthin.. tetapi ade jugak time yg kritikal yg kite kena hentam ajer nak buat.. sebagai contohnyer.. floor plan baru utk dept gua.. ader ker die tempatkan gua sorang sorang in an island.. camner island tuh.. biler semua org duduk ader kawan kecuali gua... elok elok ajer kiri kanan gua takde org... pelik?.. mungkin tidak..... gua pun dah lama bagi signs yg gua nak berenti.. mungkin this time die nak tgk sape chicken dulu kot.. mungkin ni lah salah satu strategi diorg ckp... diorg tanak carry player yg amik cap room byk sgt dgn huge salary tapi tak nak loyal.. well this is biz nes...

gua rase diorg pun dah bagi fair share.. so kalau sekarang diorg nak gua buat decision.. gua rase diorg pun entitled sebab diorg pun ade byk lagik benda nak handle... gua ckp next week.. well sebenanyer ade satu ajer decision yg gua patut buat.. mmg ade risk no doubt.. tapi kena fair.. mcm org ckp.. kena aci... kalo diorg bole baya gua buat keja dlm 2-3 kali ajer dlm sebulan.. for the period of almost 5 mths.. gua kena fair jugak kat diorg.. gua pun walaupun ade partial ajer infomation kena buat jugak decision... decision making hanyer senang kalo lu ade full information.. lu bole study facts semua... tapi kalo partial.. lu kena really on intuition ataupun experience... yg gua takde.. kakakkakaka... tapi camtuh laa kehidupan.. kekadang kite kena buat aper kite kena buat...

senario satu... bulan ramadhan.. bas 160 ker rantau panjang tak sampai lagik... dlm poket gua ader 1.10 betul betul tambang bas ajer... ok bas 160 nih ade every 1.5 hrs ajer.. most of the time die takde pun.. mungkin disebabkan bilangan penumpang yg sedikit.. this happened way before gua ade keta.. so gua nak bukak posa kat umah nih.. sepatutnyer time 1630 tuh ade satu bas.. satu lagik 1755... gua spend time gua tunggu 2 bas yg tak muncul muncul jugak.. well kebiasaan nyer bagi penduduk di sini.. kalo dah 2 kali time takde bas... ade satu ajer aaaa kesimpulan die.. mmg takde bus.. wat do u do at time like this.. hahhahhaah... selalunyer call bapak gua.. tapi driven of rage.. gua decide utk jalan kaki dari bandar klang ker umah.. why? sebab gua rase gua capable of changing my own faith.. gua ade 2 kaki bole jalan.. kalo bas tak nak dtg.. gua carik jalan gua... (time tuh pun bapak gua takde kat umah.. kakakaka) gua jalan....

2 jam selepas tuh.. im home....

border line ...

i should post more i think.. seein titi (which i linked under know thyself)... post.. giler byk nak mampus... dlm satu hari 3.. n if u guys look closely.. mase die post comment kat tempat gua die baru perasan yg die better post kat tempat die.. n actually he did.. kakakakakaka... well hari nih a bit bump up.. sebenonyer gua keletihan.. semalam malam gua pegi bersukan selepas aktiviti minum minum.. well at this stage... actually takde menda aper gua nak buat.. its funny though.. kalo takde menda nak buat... gua balik chillin (sebenanyer tak buat aper aper pun) kat dalam bilik.. i seldomly watch TV now.. before this bole tahan laa.. sekarang entah laa... kalo tak pun gua iron baju utk pegi keja..

there's a thing about working ppl n their shirts.. gua selalu pike apsal kan.. gua keja penat penat dlm sebulan.. (well actually takde laa everytime penat)... dpt gaji .. pastuh tgk sale.. spend it on shirts n pants.. kalo ader duit angkat kasut plak... pastuh nak basuh dan iron lagik menda tuh hari hari.... semua tuh gua buat utk pegi keja supaya at the end of the month dpt duit balik.. and on on.... lebih kurang same cam apsal kite basuh keta biler nanti keta tuh kotor jugak punyer philosphy laa... crazy but true.. makes u wonder aper point sebenanyer kite spend sampai 5 hari dlm seminggu kite yg 7 hari nih.. aper yg kite actually gain? duit utk kite belanja balik?... tapi semua menda kat dunia nih bebayar.. org kumpul duit byk byk semua actually utk aper?... majukan industri itu ini.. compete kat pasaran dunia semua.. utk aper?.... bukan lagik kewl ker kalo semua org relax jack (lek lek kompleks) dan dgn kewlnye biarkan dunia nih runs sendiri... org kerja utk kebajikan.. cthnyer.. gua gali minyak sebab gua suker kasik org minyak and at the same time ade org bekalkan makanan sebab die mmg nak bekalkan makanan... lu org paham tak idea gua nih?.. maknenyer takde org kena pakse dan semua org buat sumthin sebab die mmg nak ... becoz of their willingness n luv n interest n wanting-to-share... n bla bla bla..... but this is not zion... this is not the world where living is everything that u could ever wish.. kat sini semua org nak power dan kaya dan bla bla bla.. mungkin sebab tuh.... nanti kejap.. mmg sebab tuh pun.....

i just caught a glimsp of the prototype of XXI.... well from the world wide leader of the sneaker world.. ade org sanggup susah payah usaha utk sampaikan gamba tuh.. tapi so far i am not impressed.... susah jugak nak carik sneaker yg buat lu bangun every morning.. took a peak n said WOW dlm hati... dlm byk byk kasut gua actually ader 2 ajer yg buat gua begituh... to fall in luv n fall in debts... how true is that?... this weekend gua akan buat sumthin yg gua tak sangka dah sampai time nyer utk gua buat.. tapi dlm time nih gua tak rase aper aper.. lebih kurang mmg dah sampai seru.. bak kata pepatah dah time.... it the future.. u cant run away frm it.. a lot of time u wish u can be like one of couples who got enganged but never dares to take that big step... well i wish i was like that... tapi susah kan kalo idup begituh ajer.. (im not gettin married...dont get any wrong ideas)... kebanyakkan decision gua utk the next half of my life (hopefully) still pending.. huv to sort things out very very very soon.. procedures-procedures-procedures-procedures-procedures-procedures-procedures-procedures.. come on!!!!

FULL

today is such a boring monday.. tapi at least gua bejaya jugak siapkan keja keja yg sepatutnyer gua buat.. well u see.. gua prefer life gua mcm 50% buat keja (4 hrs ajer) n another 4 hrs lepak.. apsal? senang ajer.. wen u dont luv what u r doin .. then tak kesah lu buat camner.. mmg lu takkan buat sepenuh hati.. tapi lu kena igt.. at the end of the day.. u gotta get paid or u'll never get laid.. kakakkakaa...

so dari start pagi nih sampai lebih kurang pkl 3.. before gua betul betul buat keja.. gua plan 2 menda.. 1st gua igt nak main ball besama kengkawan yg selain rudy... he got his brother at home.. crashin over.. so gua pun tanak kacau die.. probably ade aktiviti keluar ga die... so gua plan plan plan.. n the same ol problem arise.. tak cukup org.. tp gua huv been experiencing that quite some time now.. gua tau bukan semua org ade desire nak main ajer cam gua nih.. entah laa.. gua selalu pike biler kite ade time nak buat menda menda nih baik buat sekarang before kite sendiri tak larat nak buat.... but its ok... anyway gua tau kengkawan gua sendiri pun bukan byk yg main ball... jadik nak tanak i huv to live wit that....

memandangkan nak dpt kaki main badminton lebih senang gua pun igt nak pukul pukul pada malam nih.. as mentioned.. nak dpt kaki mmg tak susah (time kaseh pada batu ngan jin)... it cost less .. so tak payah ramai ramai... actually utk dapatkan org main ball pun dlm 3 org ajer.. tapi nak dpt that number punyer laa payah... kekadng gua pike jugak mayb gua sendiri tak banyak kawan kot... kakakkaka... so dah set.. then ade problem baru.. this is unexpected.. semua tempat yg gua carik nak main... aka area subang dan shah alam takde kosong... by the way.. u ppl at MBSA tolon laa update site utk suit ur current happenings... kalo takde org nak buat.. baya gua gaji 10K sebulan.. i will gladly handle ur IT needs.. by the way.. sebab keja dah jadik 5 hari.. tak payah laa turun amik segala macam break yg ader.. come on... dah manja tapi nak makin manja.. haiyoooo....

after a few hours.. n a couple of phone calls later... (batu join carik)... dua dua tak jumpa aper aper.. i end up here typing this at 6.25.. baru lepas abiskan keja gua kat opis nih.. satu plan pun tak jadik.. n i realize one thing.. btul laa.. bukan semua org samer.. if only i could find 3 ppl like me.. then senang ajer nak buat aper aper.. wouldnt it be kewl kalo semua org nak participate dan semua org tak byk cite.. sebab at the end of the day.. kite sesama jugak nak hang out.... (well this gonna get too emo for me.. so baik gua berenti).... let me put it this way.. before this.. titi selalu organized movie carnival utk a bunch of his friends.... probably because he luv movies n he luv his frens... mungkin after a while, die pun penat jugak sebab kekadang sambutan nyer tak menggalakkan.. kekadang org punyer byk bunyik nyer... but anyhow die still maintain organize.. well.. this goes to the ppl that make it happen... the organizer.. or yg put on hard work n cash utk menda nih.... someday.. biler semua org dah rase betapa susahnyer buat menda nih.. baru diorg sendiri rase frustnyer.... mmg senang lepas tangan dan join ajer... anyway.. in the future gua still hope titi still nak buat.. if u need any help.. just give me a BUZZ.... gua selalu tunggu lu msg tanyer gua berapa org?... one of these days i might answer 2... kakakkakakakakakakka

playing for keep....

hehehhe.. bukan tanak post... i tell u wat.. kalo diorg invent a device yg bole letak dlm kepla nih .. at least laa.. bole rekod aper yg gua pike.. cucuk dlm USB kemudian terus keluar kat PC.. ataupun yg direct bole transfer lagik senang sial.. kakakakka... tapi fo sho device tuh sure mahal nak mati pastu nak implant kan pun tak sesenang yg gua bayangkan ataupun macam dlm south park... gua baru balik dari toilet.. kekadang gua rase bontot gua sakit nak berak nih sebab kerusi yg diorg bagi duduk kat opis nih tak sedap... berapa org pernah wonder menda tuh?... gua rase kekadang disebabkan kerusi tak sedap lu kena sembelit?.. ataupun lu selalu berak berak?.. i remember during my schooling days i alwayz lepak kat tangga.. n ppl keep on sayin that the cold cement will caused sembelit... gua tak sure how tru that was.. mayb the idea to keep us away from the spot.. but who knows.....

but serius... bole kena cancer sial kalo keja lu duduk ajer kat kerusi kat opis tuh... i cant recall wat type of cancer it is.. gua rase sumthin yg kena mengena ngan perut.. sebab posture badan kite tak betul mase kite duduk... n wit that we can sure our employer.. kakakakakakaka.... tapi mmg bz.. i've been to a couple of workplace... so far gua rase kebanyakkan goverment agency akan bagi lu kerusi yg super comfortable.. tak percaya?... well go to bank negara n u see wat i mean.... come here.. berak berak laa lu.. tak payah kire sakit pinggang ngan leher lagik.. penat org belaja ergo tapi kalo org org nih tak pike sgt pasal menda tuh tak guna jugak.....

last week was a big week... byk events (well actually 2 ajer) yg determine my future path.. uncertainty?.. well the highest ever.. now.. i am at the same state i was 6 months ago... altought some things look certain.. cumer baru ckp ckp atau mulut mulut org.. bahsa bahsa nih tanpa bukti mmg bahya.. its not that i dont believe them.. but trust me.. believing them is different that believe in them... kekadang pecaya sgt pun makan tuan.. tak pecaya kang susah plak.. from time to time we must alwayz content ourself to reality.. aper yg kite mmg dah ader compared to aper yg kite wish.... but trust me.. kalo btul laa aper yg org kata kata ... it will be a long road ahead of me.. preparation.. byk plak tuh.. bukannyer skit....

n yes.. i dont know whether i would go 0 - 6.. although i should admit.. it doesnt even matter.. but it is alwayz good to huv a back up.. u never know kan... the signs r not good at the moment.. haiyooo.... but in the end.. kite kena settle ngan aper yg best .. cumer gua harap sgt yg best tuh ader laa aper yg gua wish... tahun nih tak nampak bright lagik.. ade glimps.. (a lot i should say) but still bein balance out by the dark clouds... but as of all things kan... sabo ajer laaa..